more than you ever wanted to know

I need to get myself back into the swing of things with posting so I am going to write from some prompts until I start feeling motivation again. Hopefully that will be soon. But hopefully you will enjoy the fun info sharing in the meantime. Here is a cute post idea I got from Katie at Cleared For Takeoff.

a - age: I am 28 and feel very old saying that. Wasn't I just out with all of my girls for my 21st birthday at a country line dancing bar?

b - bed size: king sized bed, all the way. I can totally roll all over the bed and still not bug Brian. And talk and sing and all the other weird things I do in my sleep.

c - chore you dislike: oh my gah I hate cleaning bathrooms. They gross me out. But since it's my mess, does that mean I am grossed out by myself? I cannot wait for the day when Lila is old enough for chores and I can delegate that to her. Just kidding...well, maybe.

d - dogs: meet Zaxby the dog. Isn't she super cute? She turns seven years old TOMORROW. Happy birthday Zaxby pup!

e - essential start to your day: yummy coffee with fat free french vanilla creamer. Delish. We love to enjoy coffee in bed, snuggling Lila with her morning bottle and catching up on the Today Show.

f - favorite color: green. Love it. Own too many pieces of clothes in it. Color of my dining room and Lila's room.

g - gold or silver: silver, although gold jewelry is growing on me. My wedding set is white gold, so silver colored-ish.

h - height: 5' 4". Shorty short. But super tall compared to my mom (5' 1") and my sister (barely scraping in it 5').

i - instruments you play(ed): I played several different instruments in high school (marching band, what up!). I played tenor saxophone, alto saxophone and baritone. We went to Europe twice with my marching band and played in competitions all over the country. And then I graduated high school and never picked up any of them again.

j - job title: Special Events Manager. I plan fun events and ask people for money. You need a golf tournament, poker tournament, 5K walk/run, gala, auction or swim-a-thon planned? I'm your girl.

k - kids: Lila Addison. 12 months old. Shameless baby photo below.

l - live for: I live for long walks with Brian and Lila, falling asleep to the sound of rain through the open windows, quiet time with my bible and a big cup of coffee, sitting around a table with my girl friends laughing, and watching Lila as she explores the world.

m - most embarrassing moment: probably getting locked in the closet while pumping at work when I had only been in my new job about 2 weeks. Seriously, who does that??

n - nicknames: Lindsay Lou, Lou Lou, Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma (why would Lila just say it once when she can repeat it 20 times?)

o- overnight hospital stays: oooo, where to start? I have a little bit of a complicated medical history. Let's just list em out: 2 surgeries for laparoscopy on my lady parts thanks to my raging endometriosis, a surgey for a pilonidal cyst on my tailbone (fun fact...all 3 of the kids in my family have had surgery for pilonidal cysts. they are supposedly not hereditary), a really bad food poisoning experience at Cheesecake Factory (sorry to ruin that one for you), wayyyy too many ER night stays during my pregnancy, and of course Lila's delivery.

p - pet peeves: people who groom in public (clipping nails, flossing, putting on lipstick at the table). Little girls wearing sassy shirts ("This princess is always right"). People touching my face for any reason at all. Talking loudly on your phone in a public place. Generic brands of food that taste nothing like the name brand. Rude people who touch pregnant bellies. Moms who judge other moms for their child rearing decisions (that are not related to endangering the child). Slimy vegetables. Fanny pack wearing by anyone for any purpose.

q - quote from a movie: "Baxter, you know I don't speak Spanish!"

r - road trip necessity: almondy joys, cold diet coke, iPod full of Glee singalong music, adjusted baby mirror so we can play peek-a-boo with Lila, fluffy socks, family prayer as we pull out of the driveway.

s - siblings: I have a sister, Katelyn, who is 25 and lives in Durham only five minutes from me with her husband Peter. Lila lurrrrves having her Auntie Katelyn and Uncle Peter so close. My brother Jonny is 21 and is a junior at East Carolina University and is a super smart pre-med major. He is going to write me lots of prescriptions one day.

t - time you wake up: I am not a morning person and hate getting up at 6:30 on work days. I would gladly sleep until 10 if all the rude people who require bottles and coffee immediately would let me.

u - university attended: I went to Elon University, a small private school in North Carolina. Picture a country club with students in designer clothes with designer haircuts who are all super smart. I was none of these things and relished in wearing sweat pants and a giant curly ponytail to class.

v - vegetables: man I love my veggies. Beets, edamame, broccoli, peas, artichokes, spinach, green peppers, olives, just to name a few of my favs. Except for cauliflower. It looks like little white trees. Which is messed up.

w - what makes you run late: I like to blame Lila, because she's a convenient excuse. But I was late long before I had a baby. All friends/colleagues are aware of the required 15 minute buffer to all planned meetings.

x - x-rays you've had: a lot? I am super clumsy and have fractured both my ankles and both my wrists. And broken numerous fingers and toes. The most notable was when I broke my own finger while cracking my knuckles watching the Stanley Cup finals. The doctor said he didn't even know that was possible.

y - yummy food you make: I love to make food, although I am a much better cook than baker. Some of my favorites are Penne alla Vodka, Beef Stew, Artichoke and Goat Cheese Stuffed Chicken, and anything mexican.

z - zoo animal favorites: one time we were at the zoo and saw a kangaroo juggling his own testicles. True story. My whole family was pointing and laughing hysterically and this group of moms on a field trip kept shooting us dirty looks and trying to redirect their kids' attention.

Share everything. Don't take things that aren't yours.
Put things back where you found them.
~"All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten"
by Robert Fulghum

falling slowly

The blogging has slowed down lately. It has slowed down because I just don't want to share. I feel bad when I don't have many positive thoughts to write. But then I realized I blog when I need support about what type of sippy cups to use, so why would I not blog when I need support in other parts of my life?

These last couple of months have been hard. Hard and overwhelming. I have had a really difficult time balancing work commitments, mom commitments, wife commitments and family commitments. I feel like there are never enough moments in the day. I feel like I am never good enough for anyone. There is always more work I should be doing at night, more snuggles I could be giving Lila, more educational games I could be playing, more meals I could be making, more laundry and dishes to do, more friends to have coffee with, more intentional conversations and sharing I could be doing with Brian, and the list goes on. I lay my head down at night and my head races with all of the things I should have done today and all the things I will not have time for tomorrow.

On top of the normal stress of a working mom, 2 parent working household, the other areas of my life have been spinning on their own. My parents have finally sold their house after a year on the market and I feel guilty that I am not able to help them pack more and look for a new home. Another family member has been going through ongoing medical testing and the possible diagnosis keep me on edge every time the phone rings. So many tests, yet always inconclusive results. It just adds another layer of uncertainty on top of everything else.

And then in the past few weeks, I have started to go through some health problems of my own stemming from some cysts. Now I am constantly worried about how much pain I am going to be in every day. I am done. Washed out and at my brink.

I have decided to start seeing a counselor which is a big step for me. Because I love to be able to handle my life. I love to be in charge and spread all my options around me like security blankets. But I am no longer in control. And I need to get over it.

I just needed to unload and let my feelings wash out on the page. If I am not around as much, know that I am working on taking deep breaths. Working on stopping the fear and uncertainty from creeping up. Holding Lila in my arms at night and snuggling on the couch with Brian. Because sometimes, you just need a big snuggle.

Set me free, leave me be

I don't want to fall anouther moment into your gravity

Here I am and I stand so tall

I'm just the way I'm supposed to be

But you're on to me and all over me

~"Gravity" by Sara Bareilles

toss all you want

Lila's favorite gift for her birthday? These amazing kids key chain. They have a button that turns on a light on the top. And it beeps like a car alarm, garage door and door lock. And the keys are totally fun to stick in our mouth and knaw on. And best of all? When she throws them across the aisle at Target from her seat in the cart? I do not have to pay $150 to replace my auto door lock beeper. Because they're her keys! But she thinks they're mine. Genius.

That's all they really want, some fun

When the working day is done

Girls, they want to have fun

Oh girls just want to have fun

~"Girls Just Want To Have Fun" by Cyndi Lauper

birthday princess

You know you're a delinquent mommy blogger when people are stalking your friend's blog to see pictures of your baby's first birthday party. Thanks Casey for taking such amazing photos!

Lila's birthday party on Sunday was everything I thought it would be and more. With a Fancy Nancy theme, even the menu did it's best to be fabulous. Royal Fruit Wants (fruit kabobs), Nighttime Piggies (pigs in a blanket), Chicken Salad Crowns (chicken salad in a pastry cup) and Pretty In Pink Lemonade.

We also went fancy with our dessert, with funfetti cupcake batter, pink frosting, spring colored sprinkles and a crown topper. Lila HATED the cupcakes. I mean, she hated them so much that she had to begrudgingly eat every last crumb to assure that yucky yucky cupcake left her high chair. Doesn't this look like a little girl that is bummed out about all that sugar she was FORCED to eat?

Of course, Her Majesty had to have her royal subjects stop at the favor table and pay their respects. For their loyalty they received a flower wand, crazy mustache kit or silly sunglasses.

And like any good friends, they showered her with gifts. This baby racked up! As I looked around my living room that night strewn with new toys, fabulous wardrobe of clothes, toddler laptop (no joke), books and puzzles, I asked Brian if we were setting the bar a little too high perhaps? She actually sat very well throughout the gift opening and even tried on her new crown for us to admire.

I could not imagined a more beautiful day, celebrating my baby who has turned into a toddler before our eyes. The miracle we waited for years to hold. Surrounded by all our family and friends, I closed by eyes in the sun and thanked God. Over and over again.

May you live all the days of your life.

~Jonathan Swift

slowwwwwwww cooking

I love me some crock pot. So easy to use and makes my house smell so good when I walk in the door from work. But I seem to get in a rut with the same Taco Soup or roast. Which are delicious, don't get me wrong. But I know there are way more things to cook in this round pot of yumminess.

So I asked Brian to get me a new cookbook for Christmas. Don't get all modern feminist on him because I did in fact ASK for it. I had been following Stephanie's blog, A Year of Slow Cooking where she pledged to use her crock pot every day for a year, and loved her recipes.We were having new friends over for dinner on Sunday (love new friends and getting to know each other) and decided to try out a new recipe from her cookbook because I would be gone for most of the day. And the new recipe rocked the house! Hope you it enjoy it as much as we did.

Chipotle Chicken with Sweet Potatoes

-Frozen chicken breasts (we used 6 breasts to feed 4 people and have leftovers)
-10oz sliced fresh mushrooms
-Half of an onion, chopped
-3 cloves of garlic, minced
-1 sweet potato (peeled and chopped)
-2 green onions, chopped
-1 red bell pepper, diced
-1/2 C chicken broth
-1 t chipotle pepper
-1 t paprika
-1/4 t black pepper
-Sour cream to taste (stirred in while serving. this is a crucial ingredient!)

Add the frozen chicken to the crockpot. Prepare the vegetables and add on top of the chicken. Put in the broth and add the spices. Cover and cook on low for 6-8 hours, or until the chicken is done and is beginning to shred. Before serving, stir in the sour cream. Serve over pasta or brown rice.

After all the trouble you go to,

you get about as much actual "food" out of eating an artichoke

as you would from licking 30 or 40 postage stamps.

~Miss Piggy

itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini

Bathing suit season is fast approaching and there will be no bikinis for me. A big shout out to all you moms who can rock the 2 piece after a baby but I think I speak for most of the rest of us when I say...no bueno. Last year, it was all about the speedo one piece with the extra spandex holding that just-had-a-baby-shield-your-eyes midsection. This year, I feel like I could be a little cooler but I am not sure where to find that ever coveted stylish mommy suit. Because obviously, I need something fashionable to accompany this diva to pool playdates.

I did a little online research and it looks as if Lands End has the best tummy control, yet stylish bathing suits but I absolutely hate ordering bathing suits online. Maybe because I am not Kate Moss and no bathing suits look as good on me as they do on the online models. Side note, why do they have size 2 women modeling bathing suite with tummy control? Does that really work as a sales strategy? "Wow, here is what you will look like with our special slimming suit. So thin, so marvelous. Oh and make sure to schedule that tummy tuck prior to your package arriving in the mail."

Have any of you found the perfect "mommy suit"?

Where do you shop for your summer wardrobe?

Well I don't eat anything and when I feel like I'm about to faint, I eat a cube of cheese.

I'm just one stomach flu away from my goal weight.

~"The Devil Wears Prada"

Reprinted from my column at Southern Mommas

cup o joe

Oh cup of Eight O'Clock coffee, full of French Vanilla creamer and a half scoop of sugar. You make my belly warm and my head feel not so fuzzy every morning. How I wish I could enjoy your sweetness without having to microwave you at least once, sometimes twice, before I can drink to the bottom of the mug. The second I sit down to enjoy, the dog who was napping lazily in the morning sun is suddenly up and barking at the food bowl. The baby that was playing so gently with her toys on the living room floor is now waving around a laptop power cord as if she won an electrically charged prize. And the fire alarm in the kitchen is going off from the English muffin that I finally got in the toaster after the baby is fed.

Oh coffee. Le sigh. Please get in my belly - and blood stream - faster.

Way too much coffee.

But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

~David Letterman

momma in focus

Lila's first birthday was beautiful. So many moments to stop and breath in the reality that we have a one year old little girl. So many moments for family snuggles in bed. One rocking extended family brunch complete with pumpkin pancakes (Lila's favorite) and mimosas (clearly not for Lila). A mommy/daddy/Lila date day at the Life + Science Museum, touching cool fossils, discovering tornado wind tunnels, seeing butterflies up close and climbing up playground stairs for the first time. And the best moment of the day by far was the very beginning of the day: staying up until 12:38am to watch her birth video and toast with champagne over our sleeping miracle in her crib. And then we stood over that crib and prayed for the amazing year God has ahead of her.

I took tons of pictures to soak up the day that Brian and I both took off work to just have family time, but I am too tired for all that photo editing right now. But I wanted to pop in to support my real life friend Casey and the first day of her awesome blog hop, Momma In Focus.

Casey and her precious little one Daisy, who is 3 weeks younger than Lila and loves to crawl around with her in our church nursery, came up with the idea to encourage other moms to take more pictures with their kiddos. Because we all know how we are usually the ones behind the camera, not in front of it. So thanks for forcing me to take some pictures with Lila today on her most special of days. Because no one loves a Lila like her momma.

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count.

It's the life in your years.

~Abraham Lincoln

a whole year

Dear Lila,

This past year has been a blur. Yesterday, I thought every hour about what I was doing a year ago at that moment. On one hand, I cannot even remember a time when you were not in our lives but I also feel like every day with you flies by and you are growing before our eyes. You are so hilarious to watch as you slowly test the waters, taking bigger steps around your toys with every day. You smile so big as you explore the world around you, picking up new toys, opening cupboards in amazement at the cool kitchen utensils behind the pots and pans that you didn't even know existed. You are regularly saying Mama and Daddy and we love hearing you call our name. You make the cutest "mmmm" noises while you eat your veggies and fruits in your high chair then grabbing your water cup, guzzling as fast you can and throwing it across the room as soon as you are done.

We love the way you interact with your friends, sharing toys and stealing them back, crawling over to them and following around the big kids while they run. You are the biggest flirt, always waving and then turning your head, smiling with your coy little eyes while others try to get your attention again. You have your signature bow in your hair every day, always matching your outfit, never one to shy away from style.

Our favorite time of the day is when one of us gets your warm bottle in the morning when we hear your first rustles in the crib, while the other one walks in your room to see your big smiles peeking above the crib rails. We all pile back into bed together and watch the morning news while you drink your bottle and run your hands along our faces.

You have filled our house with more joy, giggles and smiles, cuddle time, diaper fiascos and crawling races around the floor than we ever could have imagined. Seeing you learn how to pull yourself up, then stand, then start to take steps while holding on has been the most amazing moments as a parent, knowing you can learn and grow all on your own. We love you so much and thank God every day that he trusted us enough to help you grow as a woman of God.

Love to our Lila Bean,

Love mommy and daddy

poopified

In anticipation of Lila's birthday on Thursday, I am writing up some of my favorite Lila memories over the last year. One of my very favorite memories of Lila was the day we dedicated her at our church. We dedicate babies, promising to raise them in a Christian home, rather than baptizing, which we believe is something for Lila to choose when she gets older. I loved that Lila wore a beautiful silk dress that my mom had bought for her in LA at an adorable boutique. I loved that our whole family, both Brian's side and mine, was at church to celebrate this day. I loved standing up on stage with the 4 Pack, our four family friends who all had their first baby within 6 weeks of each other.

What I didn't love is that right before we walked on stage, she pooped out her diaper all over the inside of her white dress. And on my arm. And all over my dress. And then she puked down the front of my dress on stage. But you would never know by that smile plastered all over my face and all over Brian's face as we frantically whispered back and forth. "Can you see the poop??!!" "No, just keep smiling and no one will know!" Truly the stuff that wedding rehearsal speeches are made of. And the stuff of great mommy stories at the coffee shop.

Have you ever gotten the feeling that you aren't completely embarassed yet,

but you glimpse tomorrow's embarrassment?

~Tom Cruise

daddy's little pumpkin

Taking Lila to the pumpkin patch before Halloween was one of my favorite Lila moments this past year. Maybe it was the way the pictures turned out so amazing. Maybe it was the way she kept running her hands over the ridges on the rows of pumpkins. Maybe it was making a memory as a family, just like all the families I stared at in envy in years past.

Either way, I will never forget that day and her face when she tried to lick the pumpkin.

Sorry sweetie, dirt is not so yummy.

Vegetables are a must on a diet.

I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.

~Jim Davis

lunching lady

As the celebration of Lila's birthday week continues, I was remembering back to our first trip out of the house as a family after she was born. I am pretty sure it took over two hours to get her fed, changed, peed on, changed again and one fit from me at how none of my clothes fit. But we made it out. And as we sat in the sun on a restaurant patio I kept wanting to stop every person I saw to point out that we had a baby. We were a family. Just out to lunch like it was no big deal, even though it felt like the most surreal milestone ever.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what's for lunch.

~Orson Welles

beach bum

The week is here. The week I have been both dreading and anticipating for the past year. Lila is turning one on Thursday. The milestone is not lost on us in our house, where Lila is changing more from a baby to a toddler every moment. Last night, she stood up from sitting to straight up on her feet without wavering or holding on for the first time. Just stood there and stared at us, smiling that she was just standing up like a big girl. This week, I will be posting some of my favorite Lila moments from the last year.

toes in the sand

One of my favorite Lila moments was the first time we visited the ocean. She looked so surprised when we dropped her feet in the water, which was still a little chilly despite it being July. Having grown up at the beach myself, there was something so amazing about seeing Lila's first moment in the sand. It was the beginning of so many beach trips, sand castles, buckets and shovels, and boogie boarding to come.

the sun and the sand

and a drink in my hand

with no bottom

no shoes, no shirt, no problems

~"No Shoes, No Shirt, No problems" by Kenny Chesney

shoe toss

Our newest past time is avoiding naps. Thank God she is not avoiding sleep in general because I am pretty into sleeping at night. And that sleep does not like to be interrupted. But nap times have become a little more challenging since Lila realized she has choices. Choices to do what I want or what she wants. Since she has discovered this exciting world of choices, many more toddler fits have appeared. Last week, when my sister would not give her ice cream, she took off her shoe and threw it at Katelyn. She threw her SHOE at her. We have a long road ahead of us my friends.

The hilarious thing is that she is in such a good mood when she is playing in her crib, avoiding wonderful, glorious sleep. She is always sitting so happy, just talking to her paci and staring around at her room. Yesterday, I was folding laundry in my room when I heard some chatter from the nursery. I decided to make a little video of my favorite non-napper. Until she busted me big time.

I count it as an absolute certainty that in paradise, everyone naps.

A nap is a perfect pleasure and it's useful, too.

It splits the day into two halves, making each half more manageable and enjoyable.

~Tom Hodgkinson

360 days old

It's hard to remember being this big and this uncomfortable. The sleepless nights, the seemingly impossible feat of rolling out of bed in the morning, the slip on shoes when Brian wasn't around since I could not bend over, the never ending contractions for weeks before I was finally put out of my misery with a shot of pitocin. I think I kissed the nurse right after she took this picture. Never has there been anyone more happy to be admitted into Labor & Delivery.

One year ago today I was a overwhelmed, exhausted and so tired of waiting to hold our little girl. Only 5 days later I would hear the excitement of my mom's voice as she shouted, "Happy Birth Day Lila!" as she entered the world. I would see Brian's face light up with a joy that I had never seen before as he hovered over her bassinet in the corner of the delivery room, staring unbelievably at our little girl.

I cannot believe it has been almost a year. I cannot even remember not having her in our life.

From your head down to your toes

You're not much, goodness knows

But you're so precious to me

Sweet as can be, Baby of mine

~"Baby Mine" by Alison Krauss

do the google

People are weird sometimes. The Internet is an awesome place where you can find all kinds of useful and useless information. I hope I was a good source for these new friends that found my blog using "The Google" this last month. Here are some of the riveting things they were searching for...

how does mason jar cook an artichoke?

You can cook an artichoke in a mason jar? I would like to know that trick also...

fancy macy birthday party

It's Fancy Nancy. Get it right.

how much is the thing 2010

Hmm, not sure they quite understand how to Google something specific.

diaper in airplane

Every mothers worst nightmare. I hear ya on that one buddy.

too much togetherness in retire

Good luck with that. Sounds like you have a bunch of fun years stretching in front of you two.

screaming babies on restroom changing table

Just try to make it through the diaper change. We've all been there.

my 8 week olds head circumference is 39cm, is this something to worry about

I am pretty sure I (nor Google) has as much knowledge on that question as your pediatrician might have.

cristy allie in under wair

I am almost as disturbed by the fact that some poor soul was googling this as I am that it apparently led you to my blog. FAIL. PS, your spelling is atrocious.

Make new friends, but keep the old.

One is silver, the other is gold.

A circle is round, it has no end.

That's how long, I will be your friend.

~Girl Scout awesomeness