"Brian, I thought you might be interested. ~J"
The article was about one of those self-help, we can help you get rich schemes. Brian has been looking for work so we spent an hour texting people who we knew in California with a J name. None of them had sent them. So then we started to get freaked out. Why would they send a real piece of newspaper with a handwritten post-it note, but no name and no return address? Why would they use a printed font on the envelope that looked like a typewriter? Suddenly all of those Criminal Minds episodes started running through our brain.
We were being slowly poisoned by time-released glue on the envelope! There was a tracking device in the paper to see our movements! They wanted us to Google the self-help book and then a virus would be downloaded on our computer! At the end of the day, we threw it away and shook our heads at the weird, no-name note. Has anyone else received strange mail they could not track?
Please Mister Postman, look and see, if there's a letter in your bag for me
Please, Please Mister Postman
Why's it taking such a long time for me to hear from that boy of mine
~"Please Mr. Postman" by the Marvelettes