the red circle of death

Target is our drug of choice. As I told the overly chatty bagger today as he rang up my groceries and toothpaste and baby wipes, I cannot get out of Target for less than $70. My total at the end of the cart? $70.82. No joke. Every stinking time.

My trick for making it through The Red Circle of Death, as Brian and my bank account call it, is keeping Lila full of snacks. As long as that girl has something to munch on, we can make it all the way from one end of the store to the other. I might even get a chance to peruse the 30% off rack for a new shirt for me!

Our two favorite Target snacks of choice are Annie's Bunny Graham Crackers

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and bananas

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I cannot find Annie's crackers anywhere other than Target. And do not leave me a comment telling me I can find them at Whole Foods because, duh, but I obviously do not shop at stores where they try to sell me weeds I cannot pronounce and call it food. Or where I can drop $20 at the salad bar without even trying. Annie's are organic snacks with very little nonsense ingredients for kids. And Lila loves those little bunnies more than her Grinch stuffed animal. Which is saying a lot. I'm not gonna lie, I like to snag a couple bunnies while we wait in the checkout line. The trick is to let her eat them out of the box. Which is way more interesting than our snack cups.

Our other Target trick? Bananas. Straight out of the peel. Lila likes to take bites off the banana in between frantically signing "more" by tapping her fingers together. I have seen old ladies fall over and die in the toilet paper aisle from the cuteness of those sad little eyes and those tapping fingers begging for more fiber. The really fun part is when you get to explain to a bored 16 year old checker how they have to re-weigh one of the bananas because your daughter ate it in the store. "Wait, she already ate one? Before you bought it?" Yes, get over it and just take one of the bananas out of the bag.

PS- when I was googling bananas I spent fifteen minutes looking at hilarious photos of dancing bananas until this gem caught my eye. Enjoy.

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It would be nice if the Food and Drug Administration stopped issuing warnings about toxic substances and just gave me the names of one or two things still safe to eat.

~Robert Fuoss