Monday, August 29, 2011

be still and know that you're in this place

This week has taught me a lot of lessons. Lessons about faith that I thought I had already learned, but apparently needed a refresher on. Lessons about talking less and listening more. Lessons about loving my husband and standing beside him. A couple of months ago, Brian got an amazing opportunity to take a training program at an international financial advising company. He would study for several months, take several national exams and if he passed, become a financial adviser with the company. It was risky, leaving a study job for one with the chance he could be let go if he did pass the exams on the first try. But we prayed and God gave us such peace as he breezed through the five interviews (you read that right).

Through the last several weeks, we have rallied around each other as he studied every day at work, every evening at home and all weekend long. I was exhausted from working all day and trying to keep Lila out of the house at night. I cooked Brian's favorite meals, scheduled a massage for him and tried to be as supportive as possible. He was passing every single one of his practice exams and feeling extremely confidant as he left the house on Tuesday very early in the morning. That afternoon, he came home with that confidence broken. 

How do you support your husband who feels as if he has failed as the provider of your family?  
You remind him that God is the ultimate provider. 

How do you hold your husband up when he falls? 
You rely on the strength that comes from above, not what comes from within.

What do you say to help remind him of his future which God holds in his hand? 
You let the silent embrace speak for itself.  

I know God has a plan for us, even though it is hard to understand why Brian has to work through this disappointment, looking for another job and feeling let down by the months of studying. I know this will be one of those moments we will look back on as a turning point in our path. Probably not ever with a knowing smile, but still believing it was part of a plan that could not come to pass without this uncertainty. In the meantime, we pray, we love each other, and we bow our heads. 

I'm finding myself at a loss for words and the funny thing is it's okay
The last thing I need is to be heard but to hear what You would say
Word of God speak, would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see your majesty
To be still and know that You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest in Your holiness
Word of God speak
~"Word of God Speak" by Mercy Me


Sues said...

I know exactly how hard this is on BOTH of you. We were on this job rollercoaster for FIVE YEARS trapped up north, desperately trying to get my husband a job back home in the South. Every time he had come so close just to "have them go another way" at the last minute, even though they all said "he was the best candidate" (he was just overqualified & they could find someone to do it cheaper) it was rough on everyone. Talk about a major growing season & test of faith! Super praise, though: after exactly 5 years (Jan 20, 2006 to Jan 20, 2011!) we got transferred to south Georgia, and we are all so happy AND stronger in our reliance on God. :-) It hurts now. It stinks now. But you *WILL* end up being able to look back with that knowing smile... :-)

Heather said...

This is such a nice post and I can sense your faith coming through it. I'm sorry that you are going through this difficulty though! I pray that it will all work out soon.