orange stains

I knew the day would come. I have had four surgeries in my life, fractured all of my wrists and ankles, and broken countless numbers of fingers and toes. My mom was in the hospital last month for pneumonia. My sister was in the ER two weeks ago for an ovarian cyst. Basically, my family is medically challenged. We are the people who have to keep a list of hospitalizations and diagnosed conditions in their phone since there are too many to remember when filling out forms.

I hoped Lila would avoid the clumsiness and general love of plastic gloves and scratchy cotton gowns that so haunts my family. But sadly, she only made it 13 months.

Last night, Lila was sitting in the middle of my bed (yes, I was standing right next to her) while I was changing out of work clothes. She thinks throwing herself backward onto the bed from sitting up is hilarious and she was playing that game. The last throw, she misjudged her distance and landed too close to the edge of the bed. Right in front of me, I watched her summersault backward off the bed, landing on her head on the ground. I couldn't move fast enough to catch her, just to grab her up the moment the screaming filled the air.

She seemed fine after we calmed her down and checked for injury. However, later that night she vomited up her dinner and started acting very fussy. After a call to the pediatrian's after-hours line, we wrapped our baby up and headed to the ER.

I felt horrible. What kind of mom lets her kid fall off the bed right in front of her?? What if she had brain damage or a neck injury? To the ER's credit, they had her back in a room with a doctor 20 minutes after we arrived. Apparently babies with head injuries gets you a a Fast Pass. They checked her out and thought her neck and head movement looked good, there was no obvious skull injury and she was responding well to their exam.

After an orange popsicle and an hour of observation, they decided to send her home with a follow up visit at the pediatrician's office this week. As I laid in my bed late last night (err, early this morning) with my little girl snuggled between us, her orange stained pajamas stuck to her little body, I was so thankful. Thankful for good doctors. Thankful for a healthy baby. Thankful that I would be able to forgive myself for letting it happen.

You may have a fresh start any moment you choose,

for this thing we call "failure" is not the falling down, but the staying down.

~Mary Pickford